Esme, what do you see?
by Midlo
Summary: Jasper is curious about what Esme sees when she looks at him. Does she see past his scars?
1. Jasper

It was an absolutely stunningly sunny day in Forks. Extremely rare, but welcome in a way nonetheless. Esme had decided to rearrange some plants in her garden, moving the begonias out of the shade and into the sun and was humming peacefully to herself when she heard Jasper come out onto the back porch. She looked up at him, smiled and watched as he sat down on the porch swing and started to read. Esme did a mental head count to account for the rest of her family; Carlisle had gone to work early to avoid the sun and would therefore be back after sundown, Alice and Rosalie were upstairs on the internet probably maxing out Carlisle's credit card. She chuckled to herself as she thought about that. The family, thanks to Carlisle's love for his work, and Alice's ability to see into the future, had enough money to make them very comfortable for eternity, but Carlisle couldn't deny his daughters anything, or his sons for that matter. It was Esme who routinely put the brakes on the shopping expeditions into Port Angeles. It was Esme who wouldn't allow the boys new game controllers when they broke theirs out of frustration.

Emmett and Edward were wrestling in the basement, the only room that wasn't completely off limits to their antics. When the moved to Forks, Esme had been adamant that the house they chose to live in had a basement because she was so tired of her beautiful antiques so lovingly collected being destroyed in the name of boy play. The basement was furnished with a thick carpet and padding on the walls, more to dull the noise than protect the wrestlers and Carlisle had made a media room which held the boys' game stations and their games.

"Esme?" Jasper's voice pierced her thoughts and she realized she had been very far away. She looked up at him and saw him looking down at his arms. "Yes, Jasper?".

"When you look at me, what do you see?" At first Esme was confused by the question, and then she realized exactly what he meant. Did she see a monster who was covered in scars like he did when he looked in the mirror at himself? What did she see?

"Well, let's see." Replied Esme thoughtfully. "I see my incredibly handsome blond middle son. I see my Alice's love and protector. I see a young man with a beautiful soul, mind and heart, albeit a non beating one. I see in you parts of the child I lost who I will mourn forever, but whose loss I had to endure in order to become your mom. I see a devoted brother who has wrecked far too much of my furniture and caused way too much mischief in this family but whose family would be lost without him. I see my newest baby boy who tries so hard in high school and of whom I am so enormously proud. I see my son. My beautiful, perfect, blond son with gorgeous gold eyes. That's what I see when I look at you. The son that would be equally stunningly handsome in rags as the designer clothes Alice forces him to wear. That's what I see, why? Why do you ask?"

Jasper looked stunned. It certainly wasn't the answer he was expecting. It certainly wasn't what he saw when he looked in the mirror. He got up off the swing and walked over to Esme. He stood in front of her looking at her quizzically and then hugged her fiercely. "Thank you, Mom." He whispered. "You're welcome, my love" replied Esme, as she kissed his scarred jaw and pushed his bangs off his forehead, lingering on the scar right above his right eyebrow. "You're welcome".

Jasper walked back to the porch, picked up the book and headed back into the house, probably to find his brothers and engage in whatever shenanigans they were currently up to.

"Oh, and Jasper?" called Esme.

He turned to face her. "Don't waste your time asking your Dad what he sees. His answer will be the same as mine".

He smiled at her, the beautiful, perfect white teeth gleaming in the sun and went into the house.

As he shut the door behind him, he absolutely glowed with joy. He looked up at the ceiling and whispered "Thank you, Alice. Thank you for finding me and bringing me home. Thank you".


	2. Emmett

The thing Esme liked best about being a vampire was the vampire hearing. At any time during the day, she could simply cock her head and easily locate the whereabouts of her family. Usually during the day, she didn't think twice about where they were because the children were all at school and Carlisle was at the hospital.

Today, though, was different. Spring Break had started on Friday and the kids were all home enjoying their first Monday off from school in months. In fact, Jasper had been so incredibly giddy at the thought of not going to school for five whole days, that the entire family had basked in the happiness he was putting off for two days. It only came to a halt last night when Carlisle strode into the family room where he saw, incredulously, his entire family absolute hysterical watching a ShamWow infomercial. He walked deliberately over to Jasper and when his son looked up at him, Carlisle took his jaw in his hand and bent in towards his face. "Son, you have not been elected President, you have not discovered a cure for cancer, and you have not solved the problems in the Middle East. You are on Spring Break like millions of other high school students across America and I would greatly appreciate it if you would tamper down the happy vibes so that I can actually concentrate in order to complete the paperwork so three of my patients can be discharged tomorrow. Okay?" Jasper looked at Carlisle wide eyed and nodded. "Great, thank you." Said Carlisle as he planted a kiss on the blond curls. As he started towards the stairs he heard Emmett, "ShamWow? What are we watching? Someone, anyone find the remote and change the channel."

Esme could tell that Edward and Jasper were down in the basement playing a video game and Rose and Alice had just left to go shopping. Carlisle was already on his way to the hospital, but as she listened to the silence in the house, she couldn't find Emmett. It didn't really concern her because she thought perhaps he was simply between activities. She finished straightening up the family room and headed for the kitchen to make a grocery list of Bella's favorite foods.

As she entered the kitchen, she was surprised to see Emmett sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. He had his fists stacked on top of one another and his head rested on them as he scanned, what appeared to be, an ad for the local Department Store that her girls loved. Her brow furrowed as she approached her oldest son and she put a hand on his shoulder. "Emmett, honey? What are you doing?" He didn't look at her, but sighed audibly.

"Trying to find something for Rosalie. It's hard, though, it's not like she can't buy it herself and I don't think she really likes the things I buy for her."

"Any particular reason you feel the need to buy something for Rosalie, sweetie?"

"Esme," he said, turning to his mother. "Let me ask you something. You know how this whole Bella changing thing has been eating at Rose, right? She can't look at Bella and she's flat out mean to Edward about it. More than usual. Well, the other night, I told her that I was happy she had brought me home to be changed and she practically tore my head off. And, I don't mean figuratively. She threw herself at me as if she really wanted to hurt me."

The look on her son's face was absolutely heartbreaking and if Esme could cry, she would have tears streaming down her face.

"I mean, I know she doesn't like being the way we are, but I thought"… his voice caught in his throat and he whispered, "I thought that being with me for eternity would be enough. Now, I'm not so sure."

"Oh, Emmett" Esme said, wrapping her arms around him. "Sweetheart, far be it for me to tell you about Rose, because Lord knows I don't understand her myself, but she loves you, darling. She loves you completely and totally. She just has a hard time with all this. You know why, don't you, honey?"

Emmett looked up at his mother questioningly and Esme sighed and sat down in the chair next to his and took his two hands into her own. "Emmett. Rosalie desperately wants to have a child. I can relate to that completely and totally because you know what brought me here, it was the death of my own baby. But, I got lucky, honey. Your dad saved me and brought me home to be a mom to Edward, followed by Rose, you, Alice and Jasper.. The void in my heart will always be there, in much the way it would for a human mother who had lost a child, but I got lucky. Very lucky. I have five gorgeous, breathtakingly wonderful children that I wouldn't have if it weren't _for _this life. If not for Carlisle changing me, I would be dust and bones, as would you and I wouldn't have had the extraordinary opportunity to be your mom. And, Emmett" she said, "That would have been an even greater loss."

He smiled at her, but remained unconvinced. "How do I get her to see that? How do I get her to realize I am enough for her, that our family is enough? How can I get her to stop wishing for what could have been?"

"Emmett, I think part of what Rosalie is dealing with is she has conveniently whitewashed what her life might have been with Royce King. That he would allow his friends to defile her in that way speaks of the inhuman monster he was, regardless of his human standing. He would have treated her like garbage, his only redeeming quality being that he might have been able to give her a baby."

"You, Emmett, have given her love. I see the way you look at her. I remember vividly when you were changed. How you immediately accepted our way of life if it meant that you could still be with Rose. How you never doubted that this was where you belonged, with Carlisle and me, your parents and with Edward, your brother. Now, don't get me wrong, sweetheart, I adore my daughter with all my heart, but sometimes she is more than a little pigheaded. Actually, more often than sometimes, more like most times. She's vain, obstinate, opinionated and selfish and those frankly, are her good points." Emmett chuckled, nodding. "Your loving her? She doesn't realize how lucky she is, and she does take it for granted and sometimes it bothers me."

"What I am trying to say, my dearest son, is that Rosalie's inability to accept what she is is no fault of yours. And you should never feel inadequate because of her temper tantrums or mood swings. Emmett, do you know how important you are to me? You are so happy all the time and so cheerful and so helpful. Even when you and your brothers are wrestling in the house, which you know you are not supposed to do.." he smiled crookedly, but his eyes wanted her to continue, "our family would be absolutely incomplete without you. I am so grateful to have you. So blessed, so lucky. Now, I defy you to find a human mother whose bear of a son routinely destroys furniture that will say the same."

Emmett laughed, but then his eyes grew serious again. "I sometimes think it would be easier if I had a power, like Edward or Jazz or Alice."

"You do have a power. You light up a room simply by walking into it. Simply by smiling that 1000 watt smile of yours. Truthfully, Em, I think Rose is being stupid, but there is no way I'm going to tell her that. She has what humans only dream of; a forever love. And, I think, or I should say, I hope, that when Bella is changed, Rose will realize how foolish she has been."

"Mom, how do you do that? You always make me feel better. You always know the right thing to say to me. How is that?"

Esme laughed. "Decades of practice."

Emmett laughed, too. "Thanks, Mom, for all you said today, but mostly thank you for being my Mom. I truly, truly love you." He wrapped himself around his tiny little mother and kissed her cheek.

Esme reached up to pat his cheek. "And, I will always love you, Emmett. My forever son."


	3. Rosalie

To say that Esme was worried about Rosalie would be an enormous understatement. For the past couple of weeks, Rosalie had been extremely clingy to both Esme and Carlisle and flat out horrible to her brothers and sister. She and Jasper actually physically fought the night before last and it was only until Carlisle intervened that they pulled away from each other. Carlisle sent them both up to their rooms with a swat each to their behinds and then sat next to Esme on the couch and put his head in his hands.

"What has gotten into her? She's so angry, so mean to her brothers and Alice, and poor Emmett. He's avoiding her like she's made of fire."

Esme shook her head. "I don't know, my love. There's definitely something troubling her. She's been so clingy all week, last week as well. The other night, when I was sitting watching television with Emmett, she came and sat so close to me that she was practically in my lap. I've asked her a couple of times, but she just looks as though she'd cry if she could and shakes her head. To say that I'm concerned, well…" Esme's voice trailed off and Carlisle took her hand in his.

"Should I talk to her? Or try?" he questioned, blue eyes focused intensely on his wife.

"Darling, honestly? I think she's going to tell us when she's ready. Fighting with Jasper? Those two never have even had cross words for each other."

Carlisle sighed and stood up. "I guess you're right. I'm going to go hunt to clear my head. I'll be back in a few hours." He bent to kiss Esme and then was gone.

_Funny. _Esme thought_. He didn't ask me if I wanted to go. _

Esme went about straightening the first floor of the house and then headed upstairs to her room. She laid down on the bed and started reading the book she had begun the night before. A couple of hours passed and Carlisle was home. Esme looked up and smiled in amusement at the condition of her husband. "I, ugh, was distracted and slipped down an embankment into a creek." He said sheepishly. Her tinkling laughter brought a smile to his face as he pointed towards the bathroom and said, "I think I'll take a shower and get cleaned up."

Esme smiled at her husband and picked up her book once again. She had just begun a new chapter when a slight knock at her bedroom door broke her thoughts. Without waiting for a response, Rosalie was opening the door and asking, "Mom, can I come in?"

"Of course, my darling, of course. Come over here and sit by me." Esme sat up and put the book on the nightstand and patted the mattress next to her. "Would you like to watch some television, or did you want to talk about something?" ...Esme's voice trailed off, but the hope that Rosalie was wishing to do the latter was evident in the tone in her voice.

Rosalie plopped down on the bed and laid her beautiful blond head on her mother's shoulder. "Dad's in the shower?" she questioned.

Esme nodded. "He slipped down an embankment and well, let's just say he brought half the forest home with him."

Rosalie smiled at that, but the smile quickly disappeared. She pulled closer to Esme and threw her arm around her tiny mother's waist.

Esme realized that Rosalie was crying. Tearless crying accompanied by wracking sobs. She put her arms around her daughter and drew her close and smoothed the blond hair back from her face. She put a finger on Rose's chin and lifted the beautiful face so that her eyes met Rosalie's.

"Darling. What is it? What is troubling you so? Please tell me. I will help you. It hurts so to see you suffering alone like this."

Rose just shook her head and buried it back into Esme's shoulder. Esme continued to stroke her hair and hold her until her breathing became more regular and less hitched.

Esme's keen vampire hearing heard the shower turn off and Carlisle humming to himself as he was probably toweling off. She wasn't sure at this point if Carlisle interrupting them would be a good thing or a bad thing. Tonight seemed to be the night that Rose would finally break and confess what was tormenting her.

Rosalie heard the shower turn off as well, but made no move to get up. Eventually, the bathroom door opened and Carlisle stood in the doorway wrapped in a towel. He looked questioningly at his wife and she very slightly shook her head as if to say. "No idea. Hoping to get to the bottom of things if she's willing to be this open."

Carlisle asked, too quietly for a human to hear. "Should I stay? Go? What?"

Rose lifted her head off Esme's shoulder and said. "Stay, Daddy, please."

Carlisle nodded and went into his dressing area where he changed into his sweats with vampire speed. Rosalie calling him 'Daddy' happened very, very infrequently, so he, rightly so, figured she was at her most vulnerable tonight. He wondered as he lowered himself on the bed on the other side of Rosalie if this had to do with Emmett? And if it didn't have to do with Emmett, why wasn't he the one she had turned to? Tentatively, he reached out to smooth her hair and she let out an enormous sigh and sat up.

Brushing away the tears that hadn't fallen, Rosalie looked at her hands in her lap and in a tremulous, very small voice, said. "I know you think I've been acting weird lately. In fact, I know I've been acting weird lately. I just can't figure out why. I don't fight with Jasper. He's the only one I don't fight with." She sucked in a shaky breath and then buried her head in her hands.

Then, determinedly, she looked directly at Esme and said. "It's Bella. Bella and her stupid notion that she wants to be one of us. I can't get past it, Mom. I'm sorry. I know that makes me a terrible person."

Esme opened her mouth to say something, but Rose continued. "I mean, I'm happy for Edward. I am. I know we don't get along all that well, but he's my brother and I love him. I don't want him to go through life, _this life, _alone. But, she's _choosing_ to become one of us. I didn't get that choice." Once again, she buried her face in her hands and her body shook with sobs.

Esme looked over at Carlisle and he was absolutely stricken. "Rose, Rosalie, honey. I'm sorry. I truly thought I was doing the right thing in changing you. I didn't want you to…die at the hands of those monsters. I'm sorry, my love, can you ever forgive me?"

Rosalie jerked her face out of her hands and threw herself at Carlisle. "Daddy, Daddy, I don't blame you. I don't. I know you were just trying to save me. But, I wonder sometimes if it wasn't the right thing for me. The self loathing I feel, that Edward feels. We're damned through nothing we did on our own. And, I'm not blaming you. You can't help who you are, either."

"Rosalie, my darling daughter, listen to me." Said Carlisle. "You are not damned. None of us are damned. Don't you think we get a little credit for trying to avoid what we are? For living a decent life? For not killing?"

"Rose" interjected Esme. "How can someone who loves as wholly and purely as you do be damned? How could someone who has loved Emmett the way you have loved Emmett be damned? Be cursed? Answer that for me, sweetheart. Admittedly, we all love Emmett. But the purity of your soul and the love in your eyes when you look at him? Rosalie, if anyone is destined not to be damned, it is you."

Rosalie looked at her mother in astonishment. "Do you think that's enough?" she whispered.

"Well, I do." Said Carlisle. "If I thought I were damning you, or your brothers or your mother, I would never have done it. My conscience wouldn't allow it. The very fact that we exist and are trying to fight, every day against what is our destiny, makes us different, even than humans."

"I can't have a baby" said Rosalie, sorrowfully, looking once more at her hands as she twisted them in her lap.

"And, my baby died" said Esme curtly. "And, although there is a hole in my heart forever, it led me to your father, to you. Do I wish my baby were alive? Of course, I do. But, if my life hadn't taken this turn, I wouldn't be here, with you, with Carlisle and your brothers and Emmett and Alice. And, that's too high of a price to pay, Rosalie."

"There are some good things about this life, you know, Rose." Said Carlisle. She looked at him with sincerely questioning bright blue eyes. "We get to be together forever. No other families can say that. You get to be with your love forever."

"I do love that part" whispered Rosalie. "I love that I will be here with you and with my family forever. I guess I've just been dwelling on the parts I don't like."

"Rosalie, I'm going to tell you what I told Emmett. Yes, Royce King may have been able to, key word being may, give you a baby, but do you honestly think you would have been happy with him? Would you truly have wanted to have a baby with a man who was such a monster that he would allow his friends to treat his betrothed the way he did? You ended up with a man who has a heart of pure gold; one who would do anything, I mean anything to make you happy. Forever. For the rest of existence. That's a pretty nice pile of wonderful."

"Bella is just trying to do the same thing, honey." Said Carlisle, hugging Rosalie closer to him. "She wants to have what you and Emmett have, what your mom and I have, what Alice and Jasper have. Love. Forever. Don't blame her for that."

"I'll try. I really will. I promise."

"That's all we can ask. We love you, Rose. We don't want you to be sad. See the good things in your existence. See the positive. See the love."

"Okay" she whispered. "I promise. I'll try."

Esme and Carlisle leaned in simultaneously to plant a kiss on either cheek of their beautiful blond daughter. Esme stayed with her forehead pressed against the side of Rose's head and put her hand on her other cheek after Carlisle pulled back. "We love you, you know. You mean the world to us."

"I know. I love you, too, Mom, Dad. And thank you for putting up with me these last couple of weeks. I know I've been a pain."

Esme laughed. "Oh, I don't know about that. I kind of like having my daughter snuggle with me while I watch television."

"You do?" said Rose with a wicked smile, as she pushed the covers on the bed down and climbed under them. "Okay, then, where's the remote?"


End file.
